Also, I've read too many books and viewed too many photos from the archives of the internets to NOT believe. (Also, I really WANT to believe. This helps to complete the illusion.)
Bigfoot. Sasquatch. Yeti. Chewbacca. They EXIST!! There have been eyewitness accounts from hicks living in trailers, isolated in the wilderness. Reports of loud, inhuman screams heard by couples with bad marriages living in the woods! Tales of city slickers with not even the slightest idea what they're doing getting EATEN in the grand canyon!!
They've even seen him on mars. MARS!!
MmmmHM. And you thought sasquatch was the man BEFORE. WELL. He wasn't. He was the sasquatch.
Then of course there's the classic video of the chick sasquatch that those famous guys filmed!! I mean, come ON! WHY would they give her, er....... lady lumps....... if it was a fake? Hm? HMMM? They were grown men! Of course they wouldn't be as immature as to..... Oh. Oh geez.
H-h-how could I have been so naive? I just... I wasn't expecting it! I TRUSTED them! But it was all a cruel prank worthy of a couple of drunken college drop-outs.
MEN ruined BIGFOOT! How COULD YOU!? You MONSTERS!! Men ruin EVERYTHING with their sick, cruel, immature JOKES! DARN YOU AND YOUR BUSTY APE SUITS TO HECK!!!!!
(Bigfoot? I still believe. Those jerks just smeared your reputation. It’s okay. We still love you. But a few good sightings might help your rep… jus’ sayin.)
*disclaimer: Not ALL men ruin everything. Just half of them. And not EVERYTHING, per say....
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